1. People. Everywhere.
There are just so many people fannying about all over the place. They clutter the streets. They make the most beautiful spots look messy. The dawdle and faff. Trying to photograph anything of note is practically impossible unless you are happy to either have a billion messy humans in shot or don’t mind some ‘arty’ framing that cuts the buggers out!
2. Hilarious Photos
Not content to merely clog up Paris’ finest beauty spots, oh no, there’s more. Those people who, having ruined your photos by congregating in their throngs, choose to pose for that picture. The ones that make them look like, at best, like a total twat. You know the sort I mean… Holding Sacré Coeur on the palm of a hand. Dangling the Eiffel Tower by its tip. Twats. The lot of them. Take a picture of the thing you came to see. Take one of each other standing with the thing you came to see if you must meddle. But stop acting like 4 year olds. It’s like improving the Mona Lisa with a packet of fucking crayons!
3. Selfie sticks
It would seem that these are still a ‘thing’. There I was happily going about my daily life, safe in the knowledge that the selfie stick had had its day. Confined to the annals of history, along with loom bands and, shortly, fidget spinners (we hope!) But, no. Apparently they still have their domain – tourists. The worst kind of People (see 1.) Not only do they use them which makes them twats (see 2.) But they also lose any and all sense of spatial awareness or social etiquette. Just negotiating the steps at Montmartre involved a kind of Ministry of Silly Walks meets Limbo series of manoeuvres and two attempts at losing an eyeball. Stop. It.
Because that is what it is when you wander through Place du Tertre with your camera out, taking photographs of an artist’s work you utter cockwombles! How do folk not get this?! There are a few displaying signs requesting no photos be taken which you would hope was entirely unnecessary. Like a sign telling you not to stroke the lions. Nope. More people than I could count happily snapping away. You like it? Great. You wish you could feast your eyes upon it anytime you like? Great. So buy it. That’s kinda the deal. What you are doing is wandering around with a photocopier in a book store. A video camera in the cinema. It is theft. And it boils my blood.
5. Love without Locks
It is nigh on impossible to exaggerate the beauty that is Paris. Its buildings and their histories are awe-inspiring. The way the Seine eases its way through the diverse arrondissements. The 37 bridges which criss-cross the river with their own style and span. So what do tourists do? Fix padlocks to them all. Everywhere. Every single one. With no regard whatsoever for the eyesore they are creating, less the structural damage they are inflicting upon structures that have survived for centuries. To make matters worse, they aren’t even using pretty padlocks shaped like hearts and stars in pretty colours (to match the whole ethos that the lock will assure a long a pretty lovelife*). Oh no, they are buying any old industrial, run-of-the-mill, entirely utilitarian lock and whacking it on Pont Neuf’s carved stone street lights. FFS. #lovewithoutlocks Seriously people.
Paris, please just remember: It’s not you, it’s THEM.
I’m off to recover from reliving the above nightmares by listening to a bit of Parisienne Walkways by Gary Moore. Feel free to join me… Click here for YouTube link
#paris #lovewithoutlocks #padlocks #selfiesticks #tourists #eiffeltower #pontneuf